In the last blog we explored how our concept of time developed out of a need for physical survival. In this blog we’ll talk about how time is related to the sense of self. The concept of time also serves the survival of a mental entity, called ego (me.)
Let’s begin with an exploration of self.
When is a time that you had no sense of me? Most likely it was when you went to bed last night and then woke up this morning. There was no “you;” then the alarm rang and “you” came into being.
Further exploration can reveal that during the day there are periods of time when you are not aware of “you, as a self.” Perhaps you are completely lost in a book, a movie, or a conversation with a friend. In those experiences there is no sense of self; there is only awareness of the content of your awareness in the moment.
So, the sense of self comes and goes over time. What is it that remains present even when you have no sense of self? When you were sleeping there was no sense of self, but the self returned when the alarm rang. Who or what was it that heard the alarm? And, when you were lost in the book or movie, who or what was it that was seeing the book or the movie?
Awareness is constant even though your sense of self is not constant. Awareness exists independently of the self. The self can be the object of awareness, or there may be no awareness of the self and you still functioning perfectly well – if not better!
What is this enigmatic creature called self? Your sense of self (me) is created from a long string of various experiences stored in memory. These memories are like pearls sitting in a bowl. The mind strings these pearls together in a certain way, and you say, “This pearl necklace is me.”
If I have the pearls without a string, would it be a necklace? If I had the string without the pearls, would it be a necklace? The answer to both is, of course, “No.” Necklace, by definition, means, “pearls and a string arranged in a certain pattern.”
You are the pearl necklace! The sense of self is a string of experiences strung together from memory. If you had the same experience that you’re having right now, but had no memory of the past, would you have a sense of self? The answer is No; but you would still have awareness. The object of your awareness would be whatever pearl is in front of you right now. But that pearl might appear very different to you because you have no other pearls from the past to interpret what’s is in front of you. You would be present in the moment without any contamination from the past-- without any mental interpretations. You would experience life much differently. You would see the beauty of each pearl as it truly is.
But we usually experience each pearl only in relation to the other pearls. This pearl is prettier than the others. This pearl is bigger than the others. This pearl is shinier than the others. Each experience is filtered through memory of the past which creates comparisons and judgments.
Does this mean that we should throw away the string that holds the pearls of the past? That would create a psychosis; the individual would be incapable of organizing his experiences to function in everyday life.
The necklace (self) is necessary and yet to see the pearl in each moment of your life the necklace of the self needs to be put aside temporarily. We do this through a practice we call meditation. We do this through a practice we call concentration. Through these practices we develop the ability to see the beauty of each pearl that lies before us in each moment-- and still show off our beautiful pearl necklace when it’s appropriate!