It has been said that “Humans are animals that tell stories.” Early in human history, as well as in our own life, we are fascinated by stories. Our worldview is shaped by the stories we tell. Some argue that history itself is simply a story written from the perspective of the dominant culture.
Of all the stories we tell the most important is the story of “who I am.” Our sense of self is largely based on a never-ending story. This story is given to us by our family and our culture, and we continue to tell it to ourselves--over and over again.
At an early age we learned that we lived in two worlds: one world was outside of us, and the other world was inside our own head. We had little control over the world outside of us, but we found that we had nearly complete control over the world inside. We told stories about why things happened to us. We told stories about why the world is like it is. We told stories about who we want to become. The stories became a part of ourselves. We created the stories and the storis in turn created us.
These stories continue into adulthood. The characters may vary but the basic plot remains the same. Some four hundred years ago William Shakespeare observed, (via one of his characters) “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” We are like an actor who has identified so much with her role and her costume that she has totally forgotten who she is. We have become trapped in a never-ending story within the mind: the story of “me. “
We can escape this story / matrix-- but it's not easy. The key is to become aware of this story without identifying with it; to be aware of the story without judging it. Be aware of the beliefs, the attitudes, desires, emotions, and thoughts that make up the script. It's not easy; it takes practice, persistence, and patience. And perhaps most challenging of all is to be aware of the story without trying to change it. Objectivity is very important. Observe your internal world the same way you view your external world. Watch yourself the way a naturalist would watch a rare bird sitting in a tree.
Why not try to change the story? If we are identified with the story, then trying to change it is like trying to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps-- no matter how strong you are or how hard you try it will not work. The only way to change the story is to first become dis-identified from it, which—paradoxically--requires that we do not try to change it!
Meditation master Thich Nhat Hanh was once speaking to a group of western psychologists. One of the psychologists asked him, “Can meditation help the problem of low self-esteem.” The teacher closed his eyes, smiled gently, and said “Yes, meditation can help the problem of low self-esteem-- and meditation can help with the problem of high self-esteem as well! Behind his ostensibly humorous response is the statement that “Any form of identification--negative or positive--is a problem.”
A framework that you might use to identify your “story” is to look at the three essential characters in any drama: the Victim, the Villain, and the Hero. We see these characters not only on stage or screen but also in personal relationships and in world events. Be aware of when you might be identifying with one of these characters. Be aware when you see someone else playing one of these characters and see how you may be engaged in the drama as well.
Novelists and screenwriters know this pattern very well as do politicians and marketers. They will convey the message that you are a victim, and they are here to rescue you—if only if you vote for them or buy their product! Adolf Hitler used this strategy very shrewdly in the 1930s to rally popular support and to promote his rise to power in Germany.
Another way to detect a hidden story is to become aware of your projections. Anything repressed will be projected externally--typically onto other people. What you don't see within you, you will see all around you. The degree of antagonism or attraction you have for the objects of your projection is proportional to the degree of unconscious attachment to your story.
There's nothing wrong with any story except when you are identified with it and unconsciously living it out. Then it can be very problematic to yourself and possibly to others. To have a story but to recognize that it is only a story is very freeing. Even more freeing is to live with no story whatever. If you do this, you will be able to respond perfectly in the world because there is no unconscious storyline that is influencing your response. You can respond skillfully to any circumstance with no attachment to results because you then have the wisdom and power of the universe moving through you at all times.
“Why are you unhappy?
Because 99.9 percent of everything you think, and of everything you do, is for yourself— ——-and there isn’t one.” Wu Wei Wu
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