How do we avoid reality? Let us count the ways….
Why do we want to count the ways? Because one of the best ways to discover reality is to determine how you unconsciously avoid it.
One could say: But what’s so great about reality? It sometimes isn’t very pretty. Why not forget the search for reality and just look for a good fantasy!”
This describes the lifestyle for millions of people---and the result of that isn’t very pretty either.
The only way to find true happiness and true peace of mind is to live in reality.
I define reality in a very simple way: reality is what is. Most of us live in a world created by the mind’s desire to be right, rather than engaging life as it really is. Why? Because at an early age reality seemed too hard to bear, so we made a choice to create a world in our own mind and to live in that world. This choice may not have been made just once, but was more likely a whole series of choices made over time. We rejected an external reality, which we could not control, for an internal world that we could control.
How many ways do we avoid reality? In today’s world, with the proliferation of technology and social media, we have access to virtually an endless number of distractions. We can distract ourselves through entertainment, planning, judging, complaining, bragging, shopping, indulging in fantasy, food, sex, drugs, alcohol etc. etc.
Even when we are at a retreat or in our daily spiritual practice we still have countless distractions that are manufactured by the mind. And our internal distractions require no passwords or monthly fees! We have an internal entertainment center with many channels: the planning channel, judging channel, analyzing, reminiscing, fantasy channel…and everyone’s favorite--the story channel. Even though the story channel has many reruns we never get tired of it because it always stars….me!
The story channel is not just for entertainment when we meditate; it’s there 24/7 anytime we believe that we need it. We typically use it to divert our attention away from some pain that is emerging. We tell our story when we don’t want to feel something, and when we want to be right, or self-righteous, or make someone else wrong. (or “All of the above”!)
Rarely is any of this deliberate; it usually happens unconsciously--and lightning fast! Typically we’re in the third or fourth “rerun” before we recognize that we’re lost in the story! Many people (perhaps most) never recognize they are caught in a story: believing that their story is the ultimate reality. Acting from this belief is the cause of an immense amount of suffering in our world.
What can you do when you do recognize that you’re caught up in a story? First of and foremost, don’t judge yourself; that’s simply replacing one story with another. Drop all the stories—and if you cannot, just recognize that you are caught up in it. There is a way out.
The way out is to recognize what you are feeling. If you can identify an emotion that’s a very good start--but don’t stop there’ it’s necessary to feel your feelings fully and completely.
Bring awareness into the body. Emotions dissipate when they are felt completely, in the body, without any attachment to a story. Body awareness will always bring you into the reality of this present moment. Stories in the mind will take you further away from it. The great paradox is that we discover reality when we see how we avoid it—and then stop running away from it.