Conscious evolution is calling humanity to evolve beyond the present level of ego identification. To evolve beyond this level, we must see how we became involved within it. You are Life that has involved itself into matter and evolved itself into human form. You are Life calling itself me. But who, or what, is this being called me? Who am I?
Well, I might begin by saying that “I am this body.” I certainly identify with a particular physical form. I look in the mirror and I say, “That one’s me! “But is this physical form my deepest identification? Do I, like most animals, spend most of my time feeding, defending, and protecting my physical body? Probably not, I, like most people, spend much more time feeding, defending, and protecting some invisible entity that lives somewhere within this body- namely, in the head. Fortunately, it is rare that my body feels threatened, but this entity inside of my head feels threatened much of the time! I put a lot of energy into its care and feeding, and its safety and security.
I am referring to what many would call the ego. It is the ego, not the body that gets most of our attention. In fact, many of us will neglect or mistreat the body to satisfy the ego.
The word ego is Latin for “I.” So let’s explore this “I.” If someone says, “Who are you?” We typically respond by sharing factual data such as name, gender, nationality, etc. “I am John, a male, an American…” This is fine for social conversation, but in truth there could be several people who fit the description I just provided, but they are not me. So, what is it that makes me, me?
I could describe psychological characteristics: introvert, intuitive, intelligent etc. …. But once again, these are simply descriptive categories- not unique to me. They may be helpful at times, but they don’t answer the question “Who am I?”
I can speak theologically and say ‘I am a soul” or “I am a spirit;” but these are terms which identify categories of being. They may be helpful in describing what I am, but they do not define who I am.
I can say “Let me tell you more about myself,” and then say “I like pizza, baseball, and jazz. My best friends are Tom, Jerry, and Suzy. I am committed to improving the world.” Now we are getting a bit more personal because we are going beyond categories describing me to identifying my values and my desires. This may give you a more personal sense of me, but who is the me that has these desires and values?
This exploration is analogous to someone entering a very dark room with a flashlight in hand and slowly searching every square inch of the room with the flashlight beam. Eventually you will see everything in that room… except for one thing. You will never see the source of the light: the flashlight.
The self is forever the subject. When we try to see the self as an object it disappears. It’s like trying to see the back of your head; it forever eludes you.
When I ask, “Who am I?” I could follow with the question “Who is it that is asking ‘Who am I?’” Which in turn could be followed by the question “Who is it that is asking ‘Who is it that is asking who I am?’” This process could go on forever- it is an infinite regress. It is like holding two mirrors in front of each other: we see an infinite series of images of “me looking at me looking at me…...”
“I” disappears in the very searching for it. We can never find this “I” because it is the subject that is looking for itself as an object; and the subject is forever the subject, it can never be the object. The philosopher Alan Watts would often say that trying to locate this “I” is like “trying to bite your own teeth!”
Who I really am, who you really are, is forever a mystery to the mind. Knowing this limitation, we can still use the mind, and its concepts, and its words, but in a different way. Rather than using the mind to define the self, let’s use the mind, and its tools, to point to the self. Words and concepts can be used as signposts which point to the destination but are not intended to be the destination itself. A sign pointing to New York City is not New York City, but it can help you to get there, so that you can experience New York City directly for yourself.
We find accounts of individuals throughout history who seem to have experienced this “true self beyond the mind.” Some of the words left by these folks can be useful signposts. Going further, we can at look teachings given by those who have not only experienced the true self but seem to have lived from it most of the time. These teachings are like trail markers from those who have traveled the path before us.
Throughout the world we find teachings of wisdom that seem remarkably similar, even though they originated in different places and at different periods of human history. We can readily find these teachings embedded within many Eastern religious scriptures and texts. In the West, this ancient wisdom has, until recently, been largely hidden from the average person’s view. Fortunately for us living today, the teachings from virtually every wisdom tradition throughout human history are readily available to us, and in many forms. Virtually all the great wisdom teachings tell us that who we are can never be defined but can be directly experienced through some form of spiritual practice— and that experience itself is indescribable!