The title of this blog is rather enigmatic and somewhat self-contradictory. This is intentional because the self, itself, is enigmatic and self-contradictory. All you need do is to pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, speech and behavior were short time and you see that there is not just oneself but seemingly several “self’s” inside of you!
Almost every desire that arises soon meets the opposite desire. You want that doughnut--and at once the desire to be slim and healthy arises. A struggle ensues… and one side seems to win – for now it’s. This experience is well known to all of us; it happens many times a day.
Within this temple there is a crowd.
There is one of us that’s humble; there’s one of us that’s proud.
One is repentant for his sins, the other simply sits and grins.
From so much trouble I would be free
If I only knew, which one is me!
So, who am I really?
The Buddhists tell me there is no self. But when the French philosopher René Descartes asked this question, he arrived at a very different answer.
ebegan his inquiry by doubting his own existence. He then asked, “How do I know that I exist? He concluded that if he did not exist, he would not have been able to ask that question. By the very fact that he could thik, he came to conclude that, “I think, therefore I am.”
This has been a core belief of our Western culture for the last four centuries. We identify with our thoughts; and when these thoughts arise, we assume (as did Descartes) that there must be a thinker creating those thoughts; and that I am that thinker.
From the Buddhist perspective thinking does not arise out of personal volition. Thoughts arise when certain conditions are present-- just as rain appears when conditions are just right. Different conditions, and we may have wind, or sleet, or snow. The same is true with emotions, desires, and the sensations you feel in your body. They all arise when certain conditions are present and disappear when those conditions are not present.
Your sense of self also arises under certain conditions. A student in the classroom may be looking out the window and be completely lost in the beauty and the vastness of the sky. There is no sense of self. Then the teacher calls the student’s name. Suddenly, a sense of self arises-- perhaps an anxious self, or an embarrassed self!
Yor experience of a self may be nonexistent, or it may be very strong. There is no permanent sense of self. Self is an activity rather than thing. You might think of it as a verb rather than as a noun.
The word “fist” is a noun. It is usually seen as a “thing.” But that object called “fist” is impermanent; it can disappear before your very eyes! A fist is actually an activity – it is something that you do, rather than something you have.
Annother example is that of a wave on the ocean. A wave is an activity of the ocean. A wave is a thing that occurs under certain conditions, and it is impermanent. Self may be like a wave. Perhaps the universe is like the ocean, and you are a wave. We are the universe “selfing” in the ocean of space-time.
The concept of no-self may be a real turnoff for some folks. They may feel as if they are being told that we don’t exist; but quite the opposite is true. No-self means that you do not exist permanently as a finite limited self but rather you exist because you are existence itself. No-self says that what you are is too vast and too deep to be confined in an individual self.
I invite you to recall times when you have felt joy or ecstasy, when you felt peace, when you felt love. Remember times when you were totally happy just being alive.
What was your sense of self like then? Most likely there was little or no sense of self!
Conversely, think of a time whn you were suffering greatly, when you were struggling, when you were not happy. What was your sense of self like then? Most likely you felt a very strong sense of self.
When we refer to “being self-conscious,” we’re usually referencing a rather painful experience. Conversely, when we talk about having no self-consciousness, we usually mean that we are feeling authentic and free. The Paradox is that when you are no self--you are truly yourself!
The great paradox is that when you experience no self, you are truly yourself, and your true self is beyond any thought, concept or description.