I was at the Insight Meditation Society Retreat Center in central Massachusetts drinking a cup of tea. The retreat was to begin in a few minutes.
In the airplane on my way to Boston, I was reading a book on the importance of living in the present moment. I was ruminating over this idea, when I decided that I would attempt to live only in the present moment-- in the Now.
But what is Now?
My mind tried to grasp the present moment-- but it would always slip away. It was like trying to grasp a bar of wet soap. The moment I even thought of Now-- it was gone! Then I realized that my entire life consisted of a long series of these slippery moments. I suddenly felt anxious.
Then the bell rang. Time to begin the retreat.
On the third day of the retreat, I had a scheduled conference with the teacher. At that conference I heard him say something that impacted me deeply. I don’t recall exactly what my question to him was, but I clearly remember his response. He looked me in the eyes and said “Robert there is nothing but the present moment. There never was and never will be anything else.” I not only heard his words, but I felt them in every cell in my body.
I realized that I could not capture the present moment because I was always inside of it. I recalled the words of Alan Watts, “Trying to capture the present moment is like trying to catch the river with a fishing net.”
But as always, the thinking mind said, “But the words that you heard from the teacher occurred in the past—you remember them very clearly! So, the past must be real.
Hmm. But then, my recall of the words is in the present moment and when I heard the words it was the (then) present moment. Are there two present moments? I was tangled in my own fishing net!
I recall Watts saying, “We can capture what is in the river with the fishnet, but we cannot capture the river itself,” I caught the teacher’s words that were “in the river,” but the river of time flows right through my mind.
Speaking of fishnets, I was on my way to my favorite fishing spot in Southern Missouri when we drove past a large billboard located near the entrance to a church.
It said, in large bold letters, “Where will you spend eternity?”
That got me thinking about eternity. What is it? Well, it’s time that has no beginning and no end.
But the present moment has no beginning and no end. So, if I live in the present moment, I am living in eternity! I momentarily wanted to pull into the church driveway and tell the pastor about my revelation-- but I knew where that would go. So, I didn’t.
I spent the next few days in the eternal now flyfishing on the river. On the way home we once again passed that “eternity billboard,” which got me back to the subject of time.
As I chatted with my friend who was driving, I was aware that I had a sense of self-a sense of “me” talking to my friend. I then realized that my sense of “me” was based primarily on memories. If I had a completely different set of memories, I don’t think I would still be me. “Me” is a product of the past-- but the past isn’t real.
Back came that anxious feeling! OMG, I’m not real! Now what?
Then an intuitive voice said, “You are very real…but YOU are not the “you” that consists of memories. The real “you” exists only in the present moment; the false “you” exists only in time.”
(More on this next month)